Don't You Say It's All for the Better
by Zombie-Jedi-Nightwing
Summary: [not an Anisoka, but can be read as one] When she first became a Padawan, Ahsoka Tano had vowed to always protect her Master, Anakin Skywalker; she keeps her promise even as she walks away from him for good. The real reason behind why Ahsoka leaves the Jedi Order. [spoilers for the Season 5 finale]


**title adapted from the song "Lie to Me" by ****_The Wanted_**

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><p><em>Please, <em>please_, Anakin… don't believe a word I'm saying. _She's constantly repeating the mantra over and over in her head as she closes his fist around her Padawan braid. He's staring at her, eyes wide and glimmering, hurt evident in his face. _I put that look there_, she tells herself, struggling to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry, Master," she says quietly, taking several steps back. "But I'm not coming back." _Ever. I can't go near you ever again, Master… oh, Anakin…_

She turns and walks out the Council chamber doors before she does something stupid; like tell the truth.

She knows he's going to follow her – because he's _Anakin _after all – and she knows she should run and leave before he can catch up to her. But she just _can't_, because she can't just leave like this without saying goodbye. Can she manage a real farewell? Probably not, because despite being a Jedi she's pretty lousy at keeping her emotions in check. _Blast me for being so weak. This is _all _my fault. If I was stronger, none of this would be happening. _She can already feel hot moisture threatening to spill over, and she hadn't even turned to face Anakin yet, who is indeed catching up to her and calling out her name. _Kriff_.

"Ahsoka, WAIT! Talk to me!" he shouts out, and she stops, already condemning herself for her lack of self-control. She turns to face him, and he immediately tells her that she can't leave and all the reasons why. "I stood by you!" he states, and she winces at that. Yes, he'd been there for her every step of the way; and here she was, abandoning him. "I know, Anakin," she whispers. "But this isn't about you." _It's all about you…_

He continues arguing, says he understands. Of course he understands. She knows him better than anyone – except maybe Master Kenobi – and she can see that part of him even considers walking away _with _her. But he won't. Not just because of his sense of duty, but he just _can't_. That'll make the whole purpose of her leaving useless. So she drives him away. "I have to do this without the Council… and without _you_."

That hurts him even more than her leaving, and she knows she'll toss and turn in her sleep plagued by guilt for many nights to come. _I'm sorry_, she repeats mentally for the millionth time.

"I understand," he tries, blue eyes begging her not to do this. "I understand wanting to walk away from the Order."

She turns away, determined this time not to look back. "I know," she manages, outwardly seeming much more composed than she is on the inside. She forces her feet to take a step forward, then another, and another. She's walking away from him, the Jedi Order, her entire life…

One tear escapes her guard and rolls down her cheek, glistening in the sunset's rays as she reaches the stairs. She takes them two at a time, feels Anakin still standing where she left him, his anguish screaming at him through the Force. She does not look back.

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><p>When she reaches the first level of the Underworld, she injects into herself the small syringe filled with bright blue liquid. The cool drug forces its way through her veins, and immediately, she feels her connection to the Force disappear. She can only imagine Anakin's shock when he realizes he cannot sense her. Once again, guilt rams against her skull; <em>but this is for him<em>, she justifies, throwing the empty needle away angrily. _This is all for you, Skyguy. I wish I could've done better_.

The owner of the drug had said to meet him after darkness had fallen. Feeling sick to her stomach without the Force and knowing she's being used as a puppet, she sits down at an open-air bar and waits for nightfall.

She's lonely, but she shrugs the feeling away. _This… this is all for the better. I'll see that soon._

She hopes.

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><p>Moonlight makes the brightly decorated halls look gloomy and dead as she walks across the carpeted floor towards the doors directly ahead. They open without her having to press the panel. Of course they do. She's expected, after all.<p>

The large office is even more eerie than the empty halls. She plants herself in front of the large Nubian-oak desk, and crosses her arms, trying to look as defiant as possible. "It's done," she spits out, glaring at the figure sitting before her. "I left the Order."

The man smiles. "So I've heard. What a cruel, cruel person you are, child, to break your Master's heart like you've just done."

A whole new wave of fury washes over her. "You'll leave him alone now," she states, gritting her teeth. "That was the deal. I leave the Order, I walk away and start a whole new life away from here, and you don't lay a foul hand on him."

The smile broadens, perfectly white teeth gleaming in the cold illumination. Moonlight… it's never been as chilling as it is tonight. "Correct, my dear," he says, words flowing smoothly from a rancid mouth. "I won't harm your dear Master. I, in fact, was never going to." He notices how she's taken off guard, and continues, "However, you seem to have misunderstood our arrangement. You were to leave the Order, yes… but did I ever say anything about you starting a new life? I don't think so."

She sees his plan now; how stupid of her to think she was going to walk away from this meeting alive! Just as his red lightsaber suddenly snaps to life underneath the desk, her hand flies under her tunic and pulls out her small shoto saber. The weapon Anakin had discreetly slipped to her while talking about how he understood her. Even now he's protecting her, and the thought gives her courage as she ignites the green blade and holds it up.

She refuses to be intimidated. Her face transforms into a Togruti fury, and she holds her shoto just as Darth Sidious leaps over his desk and brings his Sith rage down upon her.

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><p><strong>AN: I know this story is pretty vague, but I intended this so that you readers can imagine just how Sidious managed to blackmail/threaten Ahsoka and if/how she survives this fight with him. She does know he is Chancellor Palpatine, but for some reason cannot say because she fears he'll hurt Anakin, not knowing that he's planning to create Vader anyway. :) Hope you enjoyed, read and review please :)**


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